☢ Sketch Diary ☢

SALEM: So we've gathered that despite not being exactly like the characters, you two are pretty unambiguously fictional introjects.

SALEM: I can't think of anyone else who really fits the bill though. Like I know I named myself Salem but—

4 Y/O SALEM: That's me!

TOPAZ: Hahaha none of you are free of cringe—

According to the theory of structural dissociation, every baby is born with a number of innate self-states covering a range of instinctual behaviours.

In a typically developing child, these states will eventually come together or "integrate" into a seamless sense of identity as the child matures and gains new life experiences

[Primary Source: The Haunted Self by van der Hart et al.]

Instinctual behaviours → integrated child

If the child continuously undergoes traumatic or overwhelming experiences during the integration process, though, well...

Their brain may resort to organizing the states into separate containers (dissociative self-states) for easier management.

For us, there were originally six (that we know of).

Two of the original parts had no awareness of the initial trauma and very limited awareness of the rest of the system.

Being a child, we had no frame of reference that the way we experienced emotions and memories was atypical.

We both assumed that all of the thoughts in our brain were "ours" and didn't know why we sometimes did things we "normally" wouldn't.

Host ← no trauma memory → Protector

Host ← very limited awareness → Protector

... This does not mean that we were unaffected by what had happened to us, though.

But neither us nor any of the safe adults in our life knew what the source of our "behavioural issues" was besides suspected (and later confirmed) autism.

Host: ← insecure, people-pleasing, extremely anxious, poor boundaries

Protector: ← overconfident, intense anger, premature interest in sex, poor boundaries

It's also not unusual for traumatic memories to get split between multiple parts of the system.

Separate parts may hold different sensory memories of the same event(s) and/or have conflicting emotions about what happened.

Like the reason for the system in the first place, the purpose is to break down the experience(s) into something easier for the child to deal with in pieces than it is as a whole.

Trauma → visual memory, emotional memory, physical memory + no awareness of each other

[We'll address this guy later (he doesn't exist anymore)]

In our case, the trauma holders had no awareness of each other and the "non-traumatized" parts had very limited awareness of them.

Our trauma holders also tend to get "stuck" at the age when the trauma was occuring, so these three are still young children while the other two grew up along with the body.

We don't have a tidy conclusion for this comic, we just wanted to illustrate some things we've been thinking about lately.

Thanks for reading!

BODY: [← trans & intersex flags]

TOPAZ: It's PRIDE BITCH!!! [gay man & general gay pride flags]

SALEM & SAFFRON: [← no discrepancies]

DELTA: [← primary source of 10+ years of sexuality confusion] [aromantic & asexual pride flags] I still ID as gay tho

KITTY: [← also aroace]

JADE: Well I *am* a woman who only likes men, but...

RIN: It's not accurate to say I'm "straight" because our attraction is still *queer*.

[For some of us, it's a bit complicated]

[dissociated as fuuuuck]

SALEM: Oh y'know Saffron & I fusing came up in therapy, I wonder if that's what this is about?

SALEM: But how does it work? Can we just will it to happen?

SALEM: That didn't work before...

[SALEM A/N: Why am I always in this pose?]

[TOPAZ A/N: The thinkerrrrr]

SALEM: From the anecdotes I've seen, maybe it's just a matter of aligning our thoughts completely...

{oversimplification}

✅ same values

✅ same goals

✅ same opinions

❎ same fave colour

SALEM: Wait a sec, what's up with that last point???

SAFFRON: I kinda like the orange—

SALEM: That's not a reason to stay separate!!

SALEM: Also it's *literally* been our fursona's eye colour since *age 12*

SAFFRON: Oh yeah!